Danielle Hatfield

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Learning that ‘Psychological Abuse Is Sometimes More Harmful than Sexual or Physical Abuse’

November 4, 2015 By Danielle Hatfield Leave a Comment

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I came across this article this morning and I wanted had to share it.

The title is : Childhood Psychological Abuse Is Sometimes More Harmful than Sexual or Physical Abuse

Yes. It. Is. “anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, symptoms of post-traumatic stress and suicidality at the same rate and, in some cases, at a greater rate than children who were physically or sexually abused.”

Having experienced all as a child and into adulthood, I can say that counselors and teachers are not equipped to recognize and manage/treat childhood psychological abuse sufferers’ wounds. You’ve never heard of a child being taken away from a parent due to psychological abuse have you? I haven’t. But I can say that being that child is a sad, lonely and painful experience. Add in physical and sexual abuse and it’s even more devastating.

the wounds we suffer can serve to help others.

As an adult, abuse victims friends and family are ill-equipped to deal with “it” as well. The advice I’ve received about emotional abuse in the past? “Don’t worry you’ll get over it. It’s just words.” or “well, at least he didn’t hit you.” or my favorite “you know she really did love you right?” To me, psychological abuse is another invisible disease that gets overlooked and brushed aside. And yes, I know I called it a disease because I think it is. It takes a diseased mind to purposefully wield words as weapons and bathe a victim with emotional neglect and hidden manipulations.

So often psychological abuse victims are left to their own devices to wake up to the Gaslighting and hopefully save themselves before being crushed by a vicious cycle.

It’s easy to see and report the bruises, but the words can be just devastating to a child and the adult they become. Because of the abuse as a child it becomes difficult to break the cycle of abuse with partners/”friends”/family and the behavioral response we are accustomed to. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in the relationship department that I credit in part to years of abuse as a child.

The strokes, Alzheimer’s and eventual death of my biological mother last year and the PTSD-inducing family circus that lasted the better part of a year dislodged some traumatic experiences of abuse I had long packed away in my mind. It’s been difficult but enlightening to unpack and understand more about myself and my childhood that I ever had before. I am even more grateful to my step mother who adopted me. The firm patience and love she offered still lingers with me today and is one reason I am as strong as I am. She taught me that we can make our own family, that wounds can heal, and the wounds we suffer can serve to help others.

The hard part for me has been accepting that I am so much more than the abuse I’ve endured. An important thing I try to remember is that it takes time to learn to love and forgive yourself and to make room in your life for people who genuinely care about you. I am still making room in my life for the right people and building my own family one friendship at a time.

I hope the article is helpful to you. Please talk with a friend or family member you think may be in an abusive situation or if you think a child is suffering psychological abuse seek help for them. You could save their life.

If you are in an abusive situation now (and I can think of a few of you who are) I want you to know that things will get better. It may take time before you can leave your current situation*, and yes things will be terrible for a while, but don’t listen to the “you’ll never be anything without me” bullshit. Don’t give up. I didn’t. It took a few years of soul searching and serious fuckups, but I eventually met and married a man who is my best friend. He treats me with respect and is lovingly supportive in my healing process.

You are more than the abuse.

Additional Reading:

Are you being Gaslighted?

Emotional Abuse Help Guide

Domestic Violence and Abuse

Support for survivors: emotional abuse

Emotional Abuse (Overcoming Victim Identity)

Domestic Violence – Hidden Hurt

*What is Financial Abuse?

*About Financial Abuse

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Filed Under: Motivational

About Danielle Hatfield

Owner/Chief Dirt Digger at Experience Farm - DIYs, recipes and sharing my 2 cents on social media

« How Monsanto is Seeding Fear and why you should help #StopTheDARKAct
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I love to share recipes, DIYs, and my two cents on social media.

I am also proud to be the Chief Dirt Digger at Experience Farm where I have worked with my partner and husband Brandon Pierce since 2009.

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I love #DIYs, #recipes, and sharing my 2 cents on social media.

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I’ve cut and counted 429 4” fabric squares fro I’ve cut and counted 429 4” fabric squares from  #scrapfabric we bought a few years ago.

Fabric for my #handsewn projects is among my favorite #thriftstorefinds. ❤️

These squares will eventually become a snuggly #quilt for our single occupancy media room that was once a walk-in closet. 

It’s helpful having a small room to relax in and read or watch TV. This colorful fabric will be a warm reminder of the fun treasures @thebrandonpierce and I find when we go #thrifting. 

If #CottageLife has taught me anything, it’s to look at every square foot of space in a new way and I love how we are embracing #smallspaceliving. 

This #handsewing project may take a while - my goal is to have it finished by the fall so I can settle in with my knitting, a good movie or documentary and hot cup of coffee. 

.
#handsewing #handsew #cottagestyle #quiltingismytherapy #sewersgonnasew #sewingismytherapy #sewingproject #handsewnwithlove #thriftedhome #thriftstorefinds
A thoughtful gift from a former neighbor in Greenb A thoughtful gift from a former neighbor in Greenboro! 

She knows I love DIYs and shared a box full of @bertie_county_peanuts bags. 

I look forward to using these in a future DIY that will remind me of our sweet friendship. 🥜❤️

So far my top DIY contenders are: 

- stitch bags together and use them to reupholster a bench and other #burlapdecor 

- use bags as #upcycled shelf liner in our open kitchen cabinets 

- stitch #burlapbags together and make a couple of bolster pillows

🤔 What else could I make with a #burlapbag? Any suggestions are appreciated!
Inspired to paint today thanks to a photo by the i Inspired to paint today thanks to a photo by the incredibly talented Chef @wishartchris of @OldNorthStateWinery in #DowntownMountAiry. 

My #WatercolorPractice of this #DeliciousDessert is from his #ChefsTable and is ~ Grand Marnier-Bittersweet Chocolate Mousse with  Strawberry Soup and Vanilla Tuile. 

This #WatercolorPainting is still a #WorkInProgress and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. (Thank you for sharing your amazing creations Chris!) 

If you plan to #VisitNC be sure to put #OldNorthStateWinery on the top of your ‘must eat’ list. You won’t be disappointed.
The #hyacinth I transplanted last fall are bloomin The #hyacinth I transplanted last fall are blooming! 😍

It’s been slow going but our little #cottagegarden is coming together and I couldn’t be happier. ❤️

Today I’m looking around the old bee yard for more white #hyacinths to transplant before the rain sets in and our new bees arrive.

Each time I see these flowers I chuckle at the thought of #HyacinthBucket of #KeepingUpAppearances answering the phone... 😂 

“Helloooo the Bouquet residence, Lady of the house speaking.”
Excited to finish this piece thanks to my new @gel Excited to finish this piece thanks to my new @gellyrollph pens @thebrandonpierce ordered for me! 🙌🏻 

What began as a #watercolorpractice is now  officially #mixedmediaart.

This is a study inspired by an illustration by American illustrator #JamesMontgomeryFlagg (June 18, 1877 – May 27, 1960) better known for his ‘I Want You’ Uncle Sam recruitment illustration. 

This is still a #workinprogress and I’m glad I waited for my #gellyrollpens to arrive! They allow me to bring detail to my #watercolorpainting and I’m already making my wishlist of colors I don’t yet have. 

Every time I see this hanging in our kitchen it makes me want to throw on one of my vintage aprons and bake an apple pie. 🥧

I am constantly inspired by artists who came before me. Studying their work helps me to better learn techniques like shading, consistent color mixing and most importantly knowing when to stop. ❤️

#watercolorpainting #dailyart #artstagram #inthekitchen #vintagekitchen 
#ilovegellyrollph #diyart #inspiredby #americanillustrator #mixedmediaart #gelpenart  #watercolorart #watercolorartist #practicemakesprogress #vintageillustration #vintageillustrations
My pockets aren’t deep enough for my disappointm My pockets aren’t deep enough for my disappointment in my new @Dickies. 

When you buy a pair of bibs you *expect* to have pockets that can fit your whole hand. 

My most recent #handsewing project was adding REAL pockets to my Dickies. 

Thankfully my #fabricstash offered up enough to turn my 4” deep pockets to nearly 9” pockets that are actually functional. 🙌🏻

It’s no secret that #womenspockets are a joke.  Is it too much to ask for #pocketequality? 

#alterations #ithaspockets #pocketsewing #handsewn #womenspocketsareuseless #handsew #sewingismytherapy #dickies #womenspocketssuck #pocketsize
A #watercolor in progress inspired by a photo by @ A #watercolor in progress inspired by a photo by @bfullerfoto. 

I researched and found a mint 1959 #Dodge Custom Royal Lancer  hard top for color reference. 

It’s been fun working on this #watercolorpractice - I’m learning more and more about shadows and layering color.  The metal and reflective surfaces are challenging but worth the work. 

I love #classiccars and this is a #watercolorpainting I’m excited to finish. 

Thanks @bfullerfoto for the inspiration! Love your photos.
The #PatchWork #OvenMitts are finished! 🤓 I’ The #PatchWork #OvenMitts are finished! 🤓

I’m so happy that I was able to repurpose @thebrandonpierce Grandmother’s mitts with some of my #FabricStash. ❤️

#handsewnwithlove #handsewn #handsewing #patchworklovers #patchworkdesign #cottagelife #cottagekitchen #sewmuchlove #sewingismytherapy
🧵 My next #handsewn #sewingproject will be reju 🧵 My next #handsewn #sewingproject will be rejuvenating @thebrandonpierce grandmother’s #ovenmitts with a #patchworkquilt look using my #fabricstash. 

I love that they were passed down to us and can’t wait to have them hanging in our #cottagekitchen! 

I’ve never tried #handsewing patchwork on oven mitts before but I have a feeling this #sewingchallenge will be worth it. 🤓

Each time I use them I’ll remember all of the home cooked meals that they helped feed generations of Brandon’s family. ❤️

Sure we could buy new mitts - but I’d rather have these and enjoy the quiet hours spent sewing them remembering a remarkable woman. 

 #sewingismytherapy  #sewinglove #sewmuchlove #handsewnwithlove #handsew #amsewing #sewersgonnasew #sewingfun
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